Football is a sport renowned for backstabbing, greed and outright selfishness. Which is obviously why The Ancelottery has always felt comfortable within it’s egotistic cloak-and-dagger bug-eyed avaricious realm. If there’s a tough decision to make, especially if there’s a slight chance that someone might get upset as a result, we’ll make it.
But decisive action has never been a strong point for the Melbourne Victory board, so this week instead of making the tough call on whether to appoint interim head coach, Jim Magilton in a full-time capacity, they reached a unanimous, definitive decision in deciding to make a non-decision. Achieving something that we didn’t even know was possible - saying no without saying no.
“Jim was advised that he would be one of the candidates on a short-list of coaches vying for the permanent position, but today advised the club that he did not want to partake in this process,” a club spin-paramedic blandly clarified, managing to somehow expunge themselves of all responsibility for the acrimonious split, despite verbally offering Magilton a three year deal some weeks ago.
“(Jim stepped) into a role that he had limited background on,” Managing Director, Richard Wilson, muttered with damning faint praise. ”He left no stone unturned, tackled every issue head-on and he will only be remembered in a positive way from everyone involved in Melbourne Victory,” - everyone that is, except Matty Kemp, Roddy Vargas, Tom Pondeljak, Jean Carlos Solorzano, Leigh Broxham, The Leaping Esky, Grant Brebner, the kit man, a parking attendant and Maureen in the AAMI Park canteen.
As a result, you might be tempted to think that Victory resembles a sinking ship with a ramshackle board who don’t know what they’re doing, but have no fear, help is at hand! And this time Craig Foster should be pleased!
A source close to a source, who says that they know a man who also knows a source, whose Uncle works with a guy who once spoke to a butcher whose dog is friends with the dog of the brother of a distant Melbourne-based relative of pint-sized princess, Gianfranco Zola, says that the former Italy international is heading to Melbourne “for talks” with the board. At this moment in time it is unclear whether these these talks are about (a) Italy’s incredible entry for the 2012 Eurovision Song Contest, (b) how to get out of the notoriously tricky bunker at the 18th at Carnoustie Golf Links, or (c) the vacant Melbourne Victory coaching position (less likely), but at least The Ancelottery now knows where to go to find out.
But before we could wipe the sugo from our Sangiovese-stained lips, Zola’s Australian-based Mr. 10%, Buddy Farah has quashed any speculation, describing the rumours as “utter rubbish” - reassuring words from a man whose profession is definitely not renowned for duplicitous,low-down, double-dealing. Farah, with all the grace of Bernie Mandic, went on to endear himself to Victory fans everywhere by stating, “Besides, do you think Gianfranco Zola would come to meet the Victory board? They’d be going to meet him.”
Which now makes the coaching shortlist shorter than this coffee table bestseller:
Next up, it’s Ange Postecoglou’s turn to say ‘thanks but no thanks.’
Maybe Victory should take a leaf out of YouTube’s Jeremy Brockie’s book and upload a montage of last season’s highlights to snare themselves a new coach? One thing is for sure, it would be a short video.